Let me start by saying I do hope we get Jon Gruden. I want that magical moment to happen. But I’m approaching it with a heavy amount of cynicism, hence my reluctance to jump on the band wagon.
However I doubt, sincerely it will happen.
That out of the way the mood around the fan base has been dark. From the seats on the outside looking in, its almost morose. It’s one of the few times I have been relieved that I do not live within the inner circle of the Tennessee state boundaries. I may be tempted to jump in to the river if I did.
So with no further adieu, here’s a list of 5 coaches whom most of the fan base has probably never heard of who I think would make a great hire by Dave Hart, but will never be hired. Unlike Gruden, there is no way in Hades they’ll ever be our coach. But a mhuire, it would be a bloody blast if they did!
Feel free to chortle, poke fun, groan, shake your head and just wonder “What the bloody Hades?!” in the comments as I play the fool. That’s what this thread and article is for to relieve some stress and get back to being what we are: Tennessee Volunteers!
Eddie O’Sullivan, former Master Mind o’ the Irish Rugby Team
1. Eddie O’Sullivan
Dave, hire this man.
No I mean it Hire. This. Man. I will move to Knoxville tomorrow sans everything I own and unemployed. I’ll live in boxes under the Henley Street bridge and will die happy the first winter of frost bite.
O’Sullivan is, without a doubt, the most successful Irish rugby coach to have ever walked the field. Under him we were ranked as the World number 3, we won not one, not two but three Triple Crowns under his hand in 2004, 2006 and 2007. In America he helped the American rugby team win its first ever Triple Crown in 1997.The guy is a miracle worker. He resigned from the heavy stuff and is looking to come back and come back big.
Wanna know something scary?
He looks like Jon Gruden!
And what goes better with Kelly Green than Tennessee Orange and White? Bloody Wait! That makes the Tri colour! That tears it, he’s a shoe in!
Motivation….oh yeah….Eddie has it. Watch this, and be prepared to run out in to your front yard, and pummel your neighbor senseless, and run down the street with his wife over your shoulder.
For those of you who watched than can you imagine his bloody press conferences after the game? The weekly coaches TV Show? We’d have to run a 30 second delay and hire three censor button pushers! But can you imagine the Vandy video that would get leaked with him in charge?
Take that James Franklin!
2. Sir Alex Ferguson
Who hasn’t this guy coached?
I mean that sincerely. From Manchester United to Queens Park in the 50′s this guy has coached what seems like every team, everywhere all over the world. He’s a former player turned coach, and he’s Scottish so if you thought Eddie was bad you haven’t seen anything yet. And you don’t have to wonder what will happen after a game with him they already video taped it (be sure to watch as they dump him in to a sauna, followed by Champagne vice pouring Gatorade over his head).
Ferguson, Go sabhailte Dia sinn, that we probably deserve but will never get. That said, the downside to hiring a Scotsman as our coach is Jack Daniels might go out of business as Tennessee folks start buying Laphroaig by the case instead.
Fortunately he’s not a football coach. Well. Sort of.
3. Wally Buono
7 Grey Cup champions. 5 Grey Cup wins as a player. Four time winner of Coach of the Year. 254 wins. 13 first place finishes. The numbers just go on and on and on. How many coaches take a team that starts their season 0-5 and still win a championship? Just one and that’s Italian born and Canadian Football Leagues Wally Buono. Granted the guy looks like he should be singing Sinatra at a Vegas strip lounge, but the guy played real football here in America for Idaho State. Whats more is his quarterback coaching skills are unheralded: Doug Flutie and Jeff Garcia, to name a few, both were developed by him. He;s currently working as a paper pusher as he has more or less turned over coaching to new blood but I’m willing to bet he may be willing toget back in the game for the right price!
I’d love to give a one liner against the guy but frankly his record speaks for itself. The only downside is I just can’t see us swapping singing ”Gooood ol Rocky Top…WHOOOO!” for “Goooood ol Rocky Top …..EH?”. The result of which would probably be akin to an 18 wheeler full of wind chimes smashing in to a Jamaican drum line playing at a bird calling contest.
4. Darren Clarke
He’s an Ulster man, so wearing Orange probably comes naturally to him. If you follow gold you probably know that the European tour is a lot about team games, whereas the American tour is more about individual ability (The Ryder Cup versus the Masters). Darren served on 5 consecutive Ryder Cups and has won 22 championships. He also had the gonads to fill the Claret Jug with the black stuff, so that automatically puts him as one of my favorites.
He attended Wake Forest, so he isn’t unfamiliar with college sports. However my thought here was having him teach the defense backs how to use 9 irons and send them out in the secondary armed with them against Alabama. Who cares if we get sanctioned the fact that no one on Alabama’s O line would be running would make the game worthwhile.
5. Dullahan
In Irish folk lore there is a horse drawn coach, the Cóiste Bodhar, that is said to be the coach of death. When it is seen or heard it is becomes the harbinger of death, destruction and ill. The souls of the dead ride the coach to where ever they may be bound, depending on your behaviors in life. Dullahan is the name of the headless driver of the coach.
I figure that should be intimidation enough for other teams to not even bother showing up to play us. Well, that and the whole headless factor.
Or we could just hire Urban Meyer or Nick Saban and get a similar result.
Feel free to add your own ideas and suggestions in the comments as well!!
